Robin Stone, LMHC, PLLC
Psychotherapist, Author, Speaker

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Robin D. Stone is a New York City based psychotherapist, coach and consultant who works to help you achieve your most optimal self. 

10 Ways To Treat Yourself While Losing Weight
 
Credit: YakobchukOlena from Getty Images

Credit: YakobchukOlena from Getty Images

If there’s one thing we all need to show ourselves in abundance these days it’s grace. Making room for our fears, anxiety, our understandable grief — and not beating ourselves up. Yes, grace is good. And who doesn’t want to feel good? But be aware of what you’re turning to in order to feel good. Because often what we turn to is food.

Many of us use food as a special treat. We also rely on food to celebrate or lift our mood, and we can often trace this habit back to childhood when good grades earned you a trip to the ice cream parlor or a dollar or two, which you promptly used to buy a treat to eat.

The first step to making a change is to become more aware of that food-mood link. So how can you disconnect food from your sense of reward and satisfaction?

In my latest article for the Sisters AARP newsletter, “10 Ways to Treat Yourself While Losing Weight”, I help you find fun options beyond food to look forward to when you want to treat yourself and find ways to reward all your senses, not just taste. Click to read the full article here.

 
Why Many Black Americans Don’t Trust the COVID-19 Vaccines
Credit: AvailableLight for Getty Images Signature

Credit: AvailableLight for Getty Images Signature

 

GENERATIONS of medical trauma and racism

are at the core of the skepticism

As states ramp up mass Coronavirus vaccination efforts, one might expect news of vaccines being offered throughout the country and abroad to bring us all hope. After a year of quarantine, shutdowns, overwhelmed hospitals, job loss, business closures, and uncertainty, the FDA-approved vaccines – one from Pfizer and one from Moderna, with others soon coming to market – represent a return to the lives we knew before more than 460,000 Americans were lost to the disease and more than 26 million were infected. 

For many Black Americans, however, news of the vaccines and their “warp-speed” development brings more trepidation and skepticism than hope. Even though African-Americans and other communities of color have been disproportionately infected and killed by the Coronavirus, only 48 percent of Black people said they would definitely or probably take the vaccine in a recent survey conducted by the COVID Collaborative, the NAACP, and other research organizations. The survey also found that only 14 percent of Black people trust that a vaccine will be safe, and just 18 percent trust that it will be effective in shielding them from the Coronavirus. News coverage of “vaccine hesitancy” and the skepticism in Black communities is mentioned regularly, as are the efforts among Black medical professional organizations, public health advocates, and some Black churches to encourage folks to trust the vaccine. But rarely examined or addressed is why so many Black people are apprehensive. 

It should be noted that hundreds of years of medical trauma fuel this apprehension. Medical trauma is defined as “a set of psychological and physiological responses to pain, injury, serious illness, medical procedures, and frightening treatment experiences.” The impact is real, including replaying disturbing memories of traumatic medical experiences, significant distress when reminded of the events, disruption of treatment in order to avoid possible “triggers” and hypervigilance, and overuse of health care services.

 The trauma stems from ongoing medical racism against Black people in the United States through unequal treatment and education and, in the harshest cases, deception, experimentation, and a cruel disregard for our pain often in the name of science. These are not tin-foil-hat conspiracy theories in an obscure Reddit thread; this is our nation’s history. And, unfortunately, it is also a part of our present.  

From accounts of medical testing on enslaved Black people’s bodies to the story of Dr. Susan Moore, the Black woman who late last year posted complaints on social media from her hospital bed about receiving biased medical treatment and later died of complications from COVID-19, this country has a repugnant legacy of medical abuse and neglect that it must reckon with. The Tuskegee Experiment, which exploited 600 Black men from 1932 to 1972, and the tale of Henrietta Lacks, whose cells -- retrieved without her knowledge or consent during her treatment for cervical cancer in 1951 -- are still used in medical studies today, are two more common sources of anxiety for Black folks. But studies and individual experiences show that health-care disparities, mistreatment, and disregard are still prevalent. 

Black women, for example, are four to five times more likely to die compared to white women from pregnancy-related complications, often linked to medical negligence. These issues are amplified as prominent Black figures share harrowing stories of near-fatal experiences during pregnancy and birth. In an article for Vogue, tennis champion Serena Williams detailed the difficulty she faced soon after her daughter, Olympia, was born. All her life, Williams knew that she should watch out for blood clots in her body, so when she felt shortness of breath after giving birth, she immediately alerted a nurse, who reportedly suggested that the pain medication had confused Williams. Williams said she had to ask several times for a CT scan of her lungs before the procedure was eventually done. Sure enough, several blood clots were found in her lungs. For the next few days, the new mother, who suffered a pulmonary embolism followed by other health complications, had to advocate for herself while she was in pain and fighting for her life. Many Black women without the celebrity or the platform of Williams (or Beyoncé, who has shared about the emergency C-section she had when giving birth to her twins) are not as fortunate.

Again, none of this is new. James Marion Sims, often referred to as the “father of modern gynecology,” performed excruciatingly painful experimental surgeries without anesthesia on enslaved African women in the 1800s in order to “perfect” his procedures, and later performed them on wealthy white women with anesthesia. Three of the enslaved women who were operated on repeatedly were called Anarcha (who was operated on at least 30 times) Lucy, and Betsey. In his autobiography, Sims -- whose statue still stands in his honor in Montgomery, Alabama -- wrote about an experiment he did on Lucy: "Lucy's agony was extreme. She was much prostrated, and I thought that she was going to die. ... After she had recovered entirely from the effects of this unfortunate experiment, I put her on a table, to examine." Some have said that the women gave their consent for the surgeries. But what degree of “consent” could you give when you were the property of the person who subjected you to such pain? Books like Harriet Washington’s Medical Apartheid are filled with accounts of atrocities like this.

 More recently, studies of white medical doctors, residents, and laypeople found that Black patients were systematically undertreated for pain compared to white patients because of dangerous assumptions about biological differences between Black and white human beings (one such belief is that “black people’s skin is thicker than white people’s skin.”) As a result, Black patients are less likely to receive helpful pain medications. Even for our children, “a study of nearly one million children diagnosed with appendicitis revealed that, relative to white patients, Black patients were less likely to receive any pain medication for moderate pain and were less likely to receive opioids — the appropriate treatment — for severe pain,” according to a study from the National Academy of the Sciences of the United States of America.

Biased algorithms have also played a role in denying access to treatment. In Boston, a study of more than 57,000 people with chronic kidney disease from the Mass General Brigham health system found that skewed math kept Black patients from being eligible for kidney transplants. “One-third of Black patients, more than 700 people, would have been placed into a more severe category of kidney disease if their kidney function had been estimated using the same formula as for white patients,” reported WIRED magazine. “In 64 cases, patients’ recalculated scores would have qualified them for a kidney transplant waitlist. None had been referred or evaluated for transplant, suggesting that doctors did not question the race-based recommendations,” according to the report.

These are just some examples of the impact of medical trauma and medical racism on Black people in America. Our reticence to be first in line for a novel vaccine is not a result of superstition, ignorance, or a need to “get over” a painful collective medical history because -- as one white doctor on MSNBC recently said, “It happened a long time ago.” The hesitancy must be put into context and the distrust addressed.

In a recent article in The New Yorker, Jelani Cobb wrote that part of the effort to encourage acceptance of the vaccines is leaning on the credibility of those associated with them, like Dr. Kizzmekia Corbett, an African-American immunologist who was instrumental in the development of the Moderna vaccine. In addition to being a representative for young scientists and people of color, Dr. Corbett told ABC News that she felt it important to be visible at this time because “I wanted people to understand that I stood by the work that I'd done for so long.”


There is, of course, reason to celebrate a safe and effective vaccine. Americans, Black folks included, are beyond ready to get back to their lives without the fear of a potentially deadly virus stalking them. Nevertheless, our wariness is valid. But highlighting Black medical professionals’ involvement with or endorsement of the effort is only part of the battle to win over Black skeptics. With this country’s grim history of denying Black people control of their bodies, you can’t just say it’s safe to give your body to the latest that science has to offer without addressing the medical atrocities of the past and placing this conversation in the context of the fight to eliminate systemic racism. If you listen for the facts behind the opinions, what you’ll hear plain and clear is concerned citizens refusing to go blindly down a path they once trod unwillingly and unknowingly, trying to keep themselves and one another safe. What’s needed is understanding, education, and a commitment to building trust with a community that has every reason to be skeptical.

 
Your 2021 Black Girl Joy Diet: Reclaim Happiness and a Healthy Weight
Credit: Kali9 from Getty Images Signature

Credit: Kali9 from Getty Images Signature

 

New research: The emotions of 2020 transformed how we eat. If you want to release pain and pounds, a health coach has the tips you need to succeed.

It may be a new year, but we’re still feeling the effects of the 2020 shutdown. The “quarantine 15” added onto the typical holiday weight gain is having an impact on how we think about our food and how to take care of our bodies. Even a year later, our lives still feel disrupted. We are reaching for comfort food instead of healthy food. Our exercise goals have been crushed and tossed out with the trash. And why would we bother moving around if we’re just going to be in PJs all day!

Losing the weight we’ve gained can be a feat in itself, so this year, let’s change the way we think about diet and exercise with the Black Girl Joy Diet. In this article, we’re gonna take a look at what’s really feeding you. We may think of the foods we eat as the only thing that feeds us, but “primary foods,” as described by the Institute of Integrative Nutrition, are also important. Primary foods are the ingredients in your life that nourish your body, mind, and spirit.

In my latest article for the Sisters AARP newsletter, “Your 2021 Black Girl Joy Diet: Reclaim Happiness and a Healthy Weight”, I want to prioritize happiness within our healthy habits and take a closer look at what’s really feeding us. Click to read the full article here.

 
We’ve Experienced Racial Pain, Here Are Ways to Heal From It
Credit: MimagePhotography for Canva

Credit: MimagePhotography for Canva

 

Racism can feel like a daily occurrence in America, and there are so many ways we can experience it. There’s the random white woman touching your hair without your permission. The passive-aggressive colleagues who never really liked you and you think you know why. Or even the security guard that watches you way too closely while you’re out shopping. All of these experiences, and more, can add up to racial trauma, something that affects many of us every day. Especially after 2020.

It’s all exhausting and it can take a toll on our mental health. And it can be hard to prove or even diagnose, especially when speaking to a white doctor or therapist. However, recognizing the impact of these experiences in your life can be immensely helpful. That validation can help contribute to your recovery.

In my latest article for the Sisters AARP newsletter, “We’ve Experienced Racial Pain, Here Are Ways to Heal From It”, I share tips on how to identify the effects of racially traumatic experiences and start the healing process. Click to read the full article here.

 
Moving Through What Seems Like the Longest Winter Ever
Source: Rido/Canva

Source: Rido/Canva

 

As the coronavirus continues its relentless march through humanity, there are rays of hope with the recent approval and distribution of the first vaccines. But it may still feel as if we are moving into a season of uncertainty, with cold settling in throughout many parts of the country and folks hunkering down for the season. This winter is sure to look—and feel—very different from winters past.

Seasonal sadness and feelings of loneliness are common for some with shorter days. These feelings are magnified with the country in the grip of a coronavirus resurgence, with hospitals in some regions overwhelmed with the sick and dying, millions still unemployed, miserly government support, and anxiety about when safe vaccines will be widely available. 

That brings us to “pandemic fatigue,” a sense of weariness from the steady case and death count and constant hyper-awareness—from washing your hands to wearing a mask to not being able to gather with others as freely as you normally would. Most of us have been dealing with this since early March of 2020, and the uncertainty of not knowing when it will end contributes to the sense of fatigue. Add to this fears of shutdowns—cutting us off from family, friends, and the places we love at a time when most people are drawn together by ritual and tradition—and it might seem as if we’re headed into the longest winter ever. 

Source: EvaBlancoPhotos/Canva

Source: EvaBlancoPhotos/Canva

For communities of color in the United States, the impact is felt even deeper, as Black and Latino people, who are nearly twice as likely to die from the coronavirus as white people, have been disproportionately affected in urban, suburban and rural areas, and across all age groups throughout the country, according to The New York Times. These communities are also heavily affected by job loss, racial injustice, social inequities, and lack of (or loss of) insurance, and many have to manage the stress of working in frontline jobs where social distancing is difficult if not impossible. 

While many of these circumstances are simply not within your control, you do not have to let the worry of winter wash over you. You can aim to be your healthiest self by finding ways to stay connected, stay active, and stay positive while staying safe. Here are seven ways to help you to move through the season:

Source: Oleg Baliuk/Canva

Source: Oleg Baliuk/Canva

1. Add walking to your day. A brisk walk, even just 10 minutes, gets your heart rate up and your blood flowing. Exercise that elevates your heart rate contributes to a D.O.S.E. of feel-good hormonesBrisk walking is also credited with helping you maintain a healthy weight, strengthen bones and muscles, help prevent heart disease and type 2 diabetes, and improve your mood. 

2. Stay connected. Even though you and your family or friends may not travel to see each other this year, you can still get together virtually via Zoom or FaceTime for game night, milestones, or other occasions that give you a reason to celebrate. Have the video rolling as you cook or have dinner together. Technology provides us many options to stay connected as we stay safely apart.

3. Expand your spiritual practice. Having a spiritual practice, whatever that looks like for you, will help you stay grounded during these tumultuous times. Whether it’s prayer, meditation, chanting, or some other practice, create space to focus inward and connect to a higher power, energy, or frequency. Need some help getting started? Try this guided meditation app, Liberate, which is a safe space for Black folk to develop a daily meditation habit.

4. Engage your creative side. Art is a cultural touchstone for many of us and often reflects what’s going on in our world—from music to writing and more. Try tuning into concerts online, dancing the night away to DNice, or safely visiting museums as a way to engage with the arts in your life. Want to learn to paint? Try a paint and sip class online. Cultivate a regular writing practice through journaling or use a site like Six-Word Memoirs to get you started.

5. Commit to learning something new. From cooking to jiu-jitsu to yoga, online classes are abundantly available for you to take your pick and are a great way to spend downtime at home. Joining a class gives you a reason to show up each week and creates opportunities for social connections with your fellow learners... 

Learn a new skill, participate in a favorite hobby with others via online groups, or take a fitness class. If yoga is your thing, or you’d like to try it out, here is a list of 20 Black yoga instructors with online classes to get you started.

Source: Braun S/Getty Images Signature

Source: Braun S/Getty Images Signature

6. Be still. Know that winter is a time of rest and renewal. Many plants and animals that go dormant for the season emerge in the spring full of fresh life and energy.

You don’t have to hibernate, but your body may need to take a break. Give yourself the gift of a day or an hour or even 15 minutes with nothing to do. Slow down. Read. Listen to music or soothing sounds or your heartbeat, settle your body, and reset.

7. Be encouraged. Consider that you’re moving through the most difficult days of what may be the most difficult year in your lifetime. Journal about what you're grateful for at this inflection point in your life, what you’d like to leave behind in 2020, and what you need to move forward in 2021.

 
An Election, a Pandemic and the Power of Hope
Design by Sarah Tulloch with Canva

Design by Sarah Tulloch with Canva


 

Lift ev’ry voice and sing …

As I write this article, Joe Biden and Kamala Harris are preparing to speak for the first time as President-Elect and Vice President-Elect of the United States of America after their historic, hard-fought win of the 2020 presidential election. 

Til earth and heaven ring …

Regardless of whether you are one of the 74 million-plus Americans who voted for the Biden-Harris ticket, it’s hard to ignore the jubilation that fills the streets of many cities around the country as supporters celebrate with strangers and loved ones alike. Many Americans are feeling something that perhaps they were running low on: hope. After four tumultuous, divisive years -- and a 2020 that no one could have imagined -- hope is a welcomed emotion.

Ring with the harmonies of Liberty …

Hope is a feeling of optimism rooted in the expectation that what you want will happen. Hope is about aspiring, believing and leaning on faith. With hope, the positive can prevail. Hope can anchor us when everything else seems uncertain or in decline. It helps us to hang on through anxiety, move through fear, recover from disappointment and reawaken dreams and desires. Hope is what animates our goals and drives us to reach them, which in turn gives us more hope. Yes, hope is regenerative. In working with a client who is experiencing deep sadness or depression, one of the first things that I try to determine is her capacity for hope, because hope is the scaffolding on which to build a way out of despair. 

Let our rejoicing rise … high as the list’ning skies … 

And hope, especially, is what we need in this moment. With systemic racism and disproportionate deaths from COVID-19 deeply afflicting our communities, hope may, at times, feel like all we have. This experience is not new for us. Historically, hope has fueled our resilience. Hope is what led enslaved Africans to dream of and steal away for freedom. Hope is what led the late Congressman John Lewis and hundreds of other brave souls to march across the Edmund Pettus bridge for voting rights. Hope is what fueled the effort of Shirley Chisholm, the barrier-breaking New York Congresswoman, to become the first Black person from one of the two major parties to pursue the presidential nomination. Hope is what led Black folks, and Black women in particular, to ensure that a Black woman became the first woman and first woman of color elected Vice President of the United States of America. 

We immerse ourselves in that which brings us hope. Hope is in our art, our literature and lyrics, on the screen and stage. It’s in the way we masked up, lined up, and broke out in the cha-cha slide while waiting at the polls. Every ballot mailed in was sealed with hope. 

Let it resound loud as the rolling sea …

Here are some reasons to remain hopeful in this historic moment and beyond:

Your voice matters. Witnessing the painstaking task of making sure every vote is counted should let you know that your vote matters and that you have the capacity to affect change.

Sing a song full of the faith that the dark past has taught us …


You can make a difference. Not only can you let your voice be heard in the national election, but you can also get involved in your local community. You can help with voter registration efforts, volunteer to be a poll worker, support a Political Action Committee, or you may even choose to run for office yourself. Even outside of politics, there are plenty of opportunities - in person and virtual. Find one that suits you and get involved with something bigger than yourself -- which in and of itself helps instill a sense of purpose and, yes, hope.

Sing a song full of the hope that the present has brought us …

You’re not powerless. This year especially, there may have been moments when you felt helpless. Perhaps you or someone you love fell ill with COVID-19, or perhaps you were financially affected by the pandemic. Yes, there may be some circumstances outside of your control, but if you try to focus on what you can control, and the ways you can find support, you may find that even in the toughest of times, you are more powerful than you think. 

Facing the rising sun of our new day begun ...

You can do hard things. Whether you waited in line for hours to cast your vote,  whether the candidates you supported down the ballot won or lost, you made it through the most polarizing election in a lifetime, and you are forging your way through what might seem like an impossible 2020. You are a survivor. And may that, too, bring you hope.

Let us march on 'til victory is won 

(“Lift Every Voice and Sing” lyrics by James Weldon Johnson & J. Rosamond Johnson.)

 
When Racism’s Heavy Toll Contributes to Weight Problems
Design by Sarah Tulloch with Canva

Design by Sarah Tulloch with Canva

 

The chronic racism in the United States is stressing out Black people all over the country. That stress may be causing us to hold our emotions in our bodies and causing us gain to weight. As upsetting as the actual act of racism is outwardly, we must remember to look inward and heal ourselves emotionally, mentally, and physically. Racism contributes to long-term chronic pain and life long diseases. Now that we know this, it's our job to be gentle with ourselves and take the time to nurture the only body we have now so we can continue to be great.

When your body is assaulted with racism, it can express itself mentally as anxiety, depression, irritability, exhaustion, and feeling overwhelmed. Physically, stress caused by racism can manifest itself as heart disease, high blood pressure, type 2 diabetes, and increased fat around your abdominal area. 

In my latest article for the Sisters AARP newsletter, “When Racism’s Heavy Toll Contributes to Weight Problems”, I share tips on how to heal your body in the moment and how to create a long term routine to combat the physical effects of racism. Click to read the full article here


 
How Black Women Can Put Their Anger To Good Use
 
 

The “angry Black woman” trope can be damaging to a Black woman’s psyche and your sense of self if you let it. But there are ways that your anger can inform and empower you. 

As the writer James Baldwin famously said in a 1961 radio interview when asked about being Black in America: “To be a Negro in this country and to be relatively conscious is to be in a state of rage almost all of the time — and in one's work. And part of the rage is this: It isn't only what is happening to you. But it's what's happening all around you and all of the time in the face of the most extraordinary and criminal indifference, indifference of most white people in this country, and their ignorance.”

Baldwin shared this observation nearly 60 years ago, but if you take inventory of the state of the world today -- in your life and in the broader society -- there’s still a lot to be angry about. It’s likely that you deal with persistent microaggressions in your professional and personal life, with  knowing that you are paid 38% less than white men and 21% less than white women even while you’re as qualified, and with experiencing repeated trauma from a newsfeed full of outrageous stories about the policing of Black bodies. Add to that the disproportionate impact of the COVID-19 virus on Black and Brown communities, and how could you not be angry?

Too many Black women feel they can’t acknowledge, much less express, their own anger for fear of being labeled an “angry Black woman.” But getting in touch with your anger could be just what you need to move through difficult experiences in your life.

As I recently wrote in an article for Sisters AARP, “anger is a part of a full range of emotions, and even though it’s a negative emotion (as are fear, anxiety and sadness), that doesn’t make it unhealthy. All emotions are useful because they convey information, and negative emotions help you recognize threats and respond to danger. So the question is, what is your anger telling you, and what can you do in response?”

Read on for the full article, You’re an Angry Black Woman? Own It. And learn how to put your anger to good use.

 
 
Healthy boundaries Matter
 
 

As Americans of all stripes march and rally and push to end racial injustice, not only are Black folks reinvigorated to to fight chronic, systemic racism — the other pandemic that we we’ve been facing all along — we’re also being asked to talk about it! In addition to exploring with family and friends in spaces where we feel comfortable, some of us are being invited by white colleagues to share our thoughts and experiences at the office.

But maybe you don’t want to talk about it at the office. And you know what? That’s OK!

In my latest article for the Sisters AARP newsletter, “Boundaries Matter: It’s OK to Not Want to Talk To White People about Racism,” I share some ways you can establish healthy boundaries in your workplace so that you can take care and protect yourself from racially traumatic experiences in white spaces. Read the article here.

 
 
Facing Grief and Loss
 
 

The continuing rise of COVID-19 deaths and the disproportionate impact on Black folks, the killing of Breonna Taylor, the killing of Ahmaud Arbery, the killing of George Floyd—the first six months of 2020 have been a lot for us to handle. And understandably, so has the grief that we all feel. Not only are we grieving loss of life, but also the loss of our way of life in many cases where simple gestures such as a handshake or a trip to the grocery store require more contemplation than they ever had before. The important thing about grief, though, is not to avoid it, but rather to go through it so you can begin to heal.

In a recent article I wrote for Sisters from AARP, I share how you can use a framework called The Four Tasks of Mourning (by psychologist and death education expert J. William Worden), how to move through those tasks, and how to feel better over time. Click here to read the full article.