Nickole Hannah-Jones channeling Audre Lorde’s “I am deliberate and afraid of nothing.” (Photo credit: Instagram post of Nikole Hannah-Jones)

You may have heard about the controversy around Nikole Hannah-Jones’ recent decision to join Howard University’s faculty instead of the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. This Pulitzer-Prize-winning journalist and creator of the New York Times groundbreaking 1619 Project, was highly qualified to receive tenure at her alma mater, UNC, where she had been invited to teach. But the university’s board of trustees denied her tenure, and it took a whirlwind of social media backlash and news stories to push the board to take another vote and reverse its decision. 

Hannah-Jones’s decision is a powerful lesson in why it’s important to go where you are celebrated, not tolerated. 

Hannah-Jones wrote about how hurtful and embarrassing the experience was for her, but says that discomfort also motivated her to do what was best for her. If she had accepted the position at UNC after knowing they initially rejected her, she would have been in an uncomfortable situation that she was forcing to work. Declining UNC’s tainted offer took a lot of courage; but her prestigious tenured position as the first Knight Chair in Race and Journalism at Howard University -- where leaders at the school went out of their way to rally to secure the resources to bring her on board -- will most likely be better for Hannah-Jones not only professionally, but spiritually and emotionally. She will also establish the Center for Journalism and Democracy, which the university says will train aspiring journalists in "the investigative skills and historical and analytical expertise needed to cover the crisis our democracy is facing."

How many of us have been in a situation like Hannah-Jones, where we were given lemons and expected to make lemonade while pretending to be happy about it?  Whether it’s slighted at work or in an unfulfilling relationship that we needed to leave? What we can take from watching her experience unfold is how to determine whether we are thriving in a situation or just making it work. 

When you’re thriving in a situation, you’re happy, connected, and engaged. When you’re just making it work, you're likely not fulfilled, which can lead to sadness, apathy, and isolation. Sometimes making the decision to walk away is difficult because we start to make calculations about what we could live with and why. We might say we’re too old to make a change, we might be afraid to let go or we’ll try to convince ourselves that things aren’t so bad. But when you try to stay in a situation that isn’t ideal, you will sacrifice your wellbeing. 

Jones gives props to Howard University, also referred to as “The Mecca.” (Photo credit: Instagram post of Nikole Hannah-Jones)

What’s your cost of making it work? 

It’s important to evaluate your situation and figure out what’s good for you. Here are some questions to consider:

• Am I being fulfilled by the work that I’m doing or the relationship that I’m in?

• Am I lowering my expectations to keep this person in my life, or by staying at this job?

• Am I using my age, financial situation, or another excuse as a reason why I can’t move beyond this?

• If it wasn’t about money, age, or experience, or if all my excuses were wiped off the table, would I still do this? 

• Is this good for me? 

Take some time and write your answers to these questions. When you’re finished, read your answers and consider how you feel and what comes up for you in reading what you wrote. Use what comes up to help you decide if you are in a place where you are valued, affirmed, and satisfied. Based on your answer, you can determine your next steps.

When you’re intentional about your joy, you know when it’s time to walk away because the cost of making it work means you’re sacrificing things you are truly passionate about and that feed your soul. And you deserve better than that.

Credit: Syda Productions for Canva

I’ve been hearing a lot of talk lately about people — Black women especially — “protecting my peace” or “protecting my energy.”  What they mean is to set healthy boundaries and to intentionally cultivate joy. They’re able to say, “this doesn’t feel good to me,” to walk away and to make a change in order to preserve their mental wellness.

Tennis superstar Naomi Osaka recently quit the French Open to care for her mental health after being fined and threatened with disqualification for not wanting to speak with the press. “I do hope that people can relate and understand it’s O.K. to not be O.K., and it’s O.K. to talk about it,“ she wrote in Time. And tennis superstar Venus Williams unapologetically told the media how she protects her peace by keeping in mind that she is the one who is the champ, not the people who write about her. In fact, she told them, they can’t hold a candle to her. 

There are songs about protecting your energy, like Jhene Aiko’s “Trigger Protection Mantra,” which is intended to calm you down when you’re feeling upset, and Mary J. Blige’s classic “No More Drama,” where she sings passionately about cutting off toxic relationships. 

On a personal level, some of my friends talk about how they took up hobbies like cooking or journaling through the pandemic because it put them in a positive and peaceful space. One colleague, Shawnee Benton Gibson, has done a lot of transformational work around how stressors in life can affect Black women’s health. She talks about how high vibrations leave you feeling uplifted and contribute to your happiness, while low vibrations can contribute to sadness and distress. 

Toughing out situations that aren’t beneficial to our mental health used to be seen as a measure of strength. But these days many of us recognize the changes we need to make in how we respond to life’s curveballs. Plus, responding to the pandemic in the last year or so led many of us to reflect on what really matters in life, and what no longer serves us. Many people are rethinking how they move through the world, and how they show up for themselves and for others.

This re-evaluation of values and priorities is leading us to search for better-paying, more fulfilling work at places where our contributions and presence and presence of mind are valued. We’re scheduling time in nature, and time to rest and restore. We’re finding support to help us move through profound losses and change, and we’re finding accountability partners and no longer spending time with people who traffic in negativity. The person who is always complaining about stuff but never has solutions? She’s sitting off somewhere on the sidelines of our game.

Zora Neale Hurston wrote in her empowering 1937 novel, Their Eyes Were Watching God: “Black women are the mules of the world. They carry the load that white men, white women, and Black men refuse to carry; they do the work no one wants to do, without praise or thanks.” 

We’re finally putting those days behind us. 

Take a moment to journal about what might need to change in your life and what action you need to take to change it in order to protect your peace. Pick up hobbies that bring you joy, or as Sister Shawnee might say, “raise your vibration.” Listen to music that lifts your mood, and most importantly, set your boundaries and remain firm in your intentions so that you can lead a positive and more fulfilled life. Protecting your energy isn’t just a saying; it’s a way of being.

Source: Romantic Country: The Second Tale: A Fantasy Coloring Book; coloring by Irene LIn.

Guest blog post by Irene Lin

Coloring has always been my go-to whenever I need some time away from my workspace. All I need is a coloring book and coloring pencils to get me started. Seeing the colors appear at my fingertips gives me an oddly satisfying feeling, and time flies before I realize it. 

Few experts in the art therapy field have considered coloring to be a part of art therapy because of its structured nature, and while art therapy emphasizes creativity. But coloring can be an introductory task for those new to art therapy and to get them interested in visual arts.  

Coloring helps you relax by taking your attention away from yourself. When your brain is focused on coloring, you are not disturbed by your own thoughts, and your brain will find this rewarding. Coloring has been proved to reduce stress levels and negative thinking. In contrast, it has fewer benefits than in-person art therapy sessions, but its positives include affordability and accessibility. 

Coloring supplies can be found easily at major retailers (like Amazon), and no art experience is needed to be able to color. Though color pencils are one of the most versatile mediums, other options include brush pens, watercolors, colored markers, and water-soluble colored pencils.

Colors can have many representations, and people assign conscious or unconscious meaning to them. I associate green with nature, while others can see green as health and growth. One can choose to color flowers pink because that is the color they associated flowers with, while others can choose to color flowers blue because they have an important memory attached to blue flowers. Whatever is the case, colors have meanings whether you realize them or not. 

I have been coloring since 2015, and I still color today. Through coloring, I can see my growth as an artist and as a person. I have always chosen bright colors and tried to bring in as many colors as I can. Over the years, I learned to match colors that will go well together and to use the blank space outside the lines. 

Coloring has been a part of my growth from a high schooler to a mental health counselor in training. Along the way, it’s helped me find peace and calm. Coloring is my way of journaling: It documents my journey. 

Irene, an Advanced Clinical Intern at my practice, is a Mental Health Counseling graduate student at Hunter College in New York City and a proud owner of dozens of coloring books.

Other Resources:

Free coloring pages

Click here for more on coloring and free pages.

Credit: YakobchukOlena from Getty Images

If there’s one thing we all need to show ourselves in abundance these days it’s grace. Making room for our fears, anxiety, our understandable grief — and not beating ourselves up. Yes, grace is good. And who doesn’t want to feel good? But be aware of what you’re turning to in order to feel good. Because often what we turn to is food.

Many of us use food as a special treat. We also rely on food to celebrate or lift our mood, and we can often trace this habit back to childhood when good grades earned you a trip to the ice cream parlor or a dollar or two, which you promptly used to buy a treat to eat.

The first step to making a change is to become more aware of that food-mood link. So how can you disconnect food from your sense of reward and satisfaction?

In my latest article for the Sisters AARP newsletter, “10 Ways to Treat Yourself While Losing Weight”, I help you find fun options beyond food to look forward to when you want to treat yourself and find ways to reward all your senses, not just taste. Click to read the full article here.

Credit: MimagePhotography for Canva

Racism can feel like a daily occurrence in America, and there are so many ways we can experience it. There’s the random white woman touching your hair without your permission. The passive-aggressive colleagues who never really liked you and you think you know why. Or even the security guard that watches you way too closely while you’re out shopping. All of these experiences, and more, can add up to racial trauma, something that affects many of us every day. Especially after 2020.

It’s all exhausting and it can take a toll on our mental health. And it can be hard to prove or even diagnose, especially when speaking to a white doctor or therapist. However, recognizing the impact of these experiences in your life can be immensely helpful. That validation can help contribute to your recovery.

In my latest article for the Sisters AARP newsletter, “We’ve Experienced Racial Pain, Here Are Ways to Heal From It”, I share tips on how to identify the effects of racially traumatic experiences and start the healing process. Click to read the full article here.

If each year around this time you’ve resolved to lose weight … again … only to rebound within a month or a few, try this approach instead:

1. Resolve NOT to "diet."  Most people think of dieting as something they do temporarily to lose weight quickly. Most who lose weight this way re-gain it once they stop dieting. This "cycling," or yo-yo dieting, can put you at greater risk for heart disease, among other health risks. Think of changing the way you eat not as a temporary fix but as your new approach to taking better care of yourself. So consider these other resolutions:

2. Resolve to eat more real food. Most packaged foods are full of additives and preservatives that you don’t need and that force your body to work overtime to process them. Stick with whole fruits and veggies, meats, grains, nuts and legumes.

3. Resolve to figure out why you turn to ice cream (or candy bars or potato chips or … ) when you’re feeling challenged or stressed. We all do it. Mindful eating can help you understand how to see food more for nourishment and enjoyment, and less for stress-relief.

4. Resolve to drink more water.  Aim for at least 8 cups a day. Water helps our bodies function, flushing toxins, fueling cells, nourishing tissues. We are made up of 60 percent water, and what we lose through perspiring, breathing and eliminating, we need to replace.

5. Resolve to cleanse your life of toxic relationships. They can lead to stress … which leads to … see No. 3.

6. Resolve to move your body till you work up a sweat for at least 30 minutes at least three times a week. Who says you have to spend hours at the gym? That 30 minutes can be as effective as 60.  

7. Resolve to prepare your own meals one day more a week. Eating in can save you money, give you control of the ingredients, increase family time (enlist the help of others) support the environment and provide other benefits to you, those you love and society at large. After a month, resolve to cook two days more a week, and then more, until you’re eating homemade food at least 4 out of 7 days.

8. Resolve to not eat for 12 hours overnight. Let’s say 7:30 p.m. is your cutoff. That means nothing but water till 7:30 a.m. This mini fast gives your body a chance to process what’s already there and take a break before it’s time to start up again. And it helps you steer clear of calorie-laden late-night snacks. A good helping of protein for dinner will keep you feeling full.

9. Resolve to track your habits. Hold a mirror up so you can see where your trouble spots are. There are several programs available, many of them free. I use My Fitness Pal because it’s quick and easy.  It shows me that I eat way too much sugar. So I’m much more mindful of that.

10. Resolve to track your steps. Use a pedometer and aim for 10,000 steps (about 5 miles) per day.

11. Resolve not to go back to what you were doing that got you into whatever size you’re in. The longer you keep the weight off, the easier it gets to do so.

12. Resolve to take the long view. Safe, lasting weight loss doesn’t happen in an instant and it’s not dramatic, but when it’s gone -- and when you stick with your new habits -- it’s gone.

13. Resolve to start now.

Trying to figure out where to start? Contact me at robin@healthjones.com