Nickole Hannah-Jones channeling Audre Lorde’s “I am deliberate and afraid of nothing.” (Photo credit: Instagram post of Nikole Hannah-Jones)

You may have heard about the controversy around Nikole Hannah-Jones’ recent decision to join Howard University’s faculty instead of the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. This Pulitzer-Prize-winning journalist and creator of the New York Times groundbreaking 1619 Project, was highly qualified to receive tenure at her alma mater, UNC, where she had been invited to teach. But the university’s board of trustees denied her tenure, and it took a whirlwind of social media backlash and news stories to push the board to take another vote and reverse its decision. 

Hannah-Jones’s decision is a powerful lesson in why it’s important to go where you are celebrated, not tolerated. 

Hannah-Jones wrote about how hurtful and embarrassing the experience was for her, but says that discomfort also motivated her to do what was best for her. If she had accepted the position at UNC after knowing they initially rejected her, she would have been in an uncomfortable situation that she was forcing to work. Declining UNC’s tainted offer took a lot of courage; but her prestigious tenured position as the first Knight Chair in Race and Journalism at Howard University -- where leaders at the school went out of their way to rally to secure the resources to bring her on board -- will most likely be better for Hannah-Jones not only professionally, but spiritually and emotionally. She will also establish the Center for Journalism and Democracy, which the university says will train aspiring journalists in "the investigative skills and historical and analytical expertise needed to cover the crisis our democracy is facing."

How many of us have been in a situation like Hannah-Jones, where we were given lemons and expected to make lemonade while pretending to be happy about it?  Whether it’s slighted at work or in an unfulfilling relationship that we needed to leave? What we can take from watching her experience unfold is how to determine whether we are thriving in a situation or just making it work. 

When you’re thriving in a situation, you’re happy, connected, and engaged. When you’re just making it work, you're likely not fulfilled, which can lead to sadness, apathy, and isolation. Sometimes making the decision to walk away is difficult because we start to make calculations about what we could live with and why. We might say we’re too old to make a change, we might be afraid to let go or we’ll try to convince ourselves that things aren’t so bad. But when you try to stay in a situation that isn’t ideal, you will sacrifice your wellbeing. 

Jones gives props to Howard University, also referred to as “The Mecca.” (Photo credit: Instagram post of Nikole Hannah-Jones)

What’s your cost of making it work? 

It’s important to evaluate your situation and figure out what’s good for you. Here are some questions to consider:

• Am I being fulfilled by the work that I’m doing or the relationship that I’m in?

• Am I lowering my expectations to keep this person in my life, or by staying at this job?

• Am I using my age, financial situation, or another excuse as a reason why I can’t move beyond this?

• If it wasn’t about money, age, or experience, or if all my excuses were wiped off the table, would I still do this? 

• Is this good for me? 

Take some time and write your answers to these questions. When you’re finished, read your answers and consider how you feel and what comes up for you in reading what you wrote. Use what comes up to help you decide if you are in a place where you are valued, affirmed, and satisfied. Based on your answer, you can determine your next steps.

When you’re intentional about your joy, you know when it’s time to walk away because the cost of making it work means you’re sacrificing things you are truly passionate about and that feed your soul. And you deserve better than that.

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After more than a year of staying home, masked up, and vigilant about keeping distant in the coronavirus pandemic, vaccines have brought some hope that we can safely return to near-normal pre-pandemic activities. While that’s great news, not everybody is ready to re-emerge and reconnect just yet. In fact, looser mask mandates and social distancing restrictions can cause a great deal of anxiety for some. 

If you can relate, you are not alone. Let’s talk about what might contribute to your unease about resuming activities you once did before the pandemic started, and explore ways for you to get back to living your life more fully.

 Restaurants, theaters, and other venues are returning to full capacity, and some businesses are calling employees back to work in-office, but the virus is still out there among us. Yes, vaccinated people have a very low chance of developing severe disease, hospitalization and death, according to the CDC. But the World Health Organization says we’re not out of the woods just yet. Some countries still don’t have access to vaccines and infections continue to rise, vaccines are not yet approved for children under 12, we don’t know how long immunity lasts after receiving a vaccine, and we don’t know what may happen with variants down the line. 

That’s a lot of uncertainty to navigate, and our brains don’t like uncertainty because it makes us feel unsafe. So it’s understandable if you want to be cautious about how you emerge – or if you’re not ready to emerge at all just yet. The best way to move forward is to do what makes you feel most comfortable. 

 Here are four questions to ask yourself about how to re-enter society safely. 

What do I need to feel safe?

It’s OK to ask about safety precautions before you enter any space. If you’re invited to someone’s home, ask if masks will be worn and/or whether all guests must be vaccinated in order to attend. Determine if the gathering will be outdoors instead or inside. If you don’t like the answers, don’t go, and don’t feel any guilt about it. 

What are my boundaries for interacting? 

How you feel about emerging might be different from what other people are feeling. Just because some vaccinated folks are going around maskless and hugging cheek-to-cheek doesn’t mean you’re obligated to be maskless and drop your elbow-bump greeting. Don’t feel pressured to go along; listen to your instincts and go at your own pace.

What needs to change about the way I work?

Your company might soon require vaccinations, but even so, you still might not feel safe working in an enclosed space with others. Or you may have enjoyed and want to keep your newfound flexibility from working from home. You might not be able to dictate what happens at work, but keep in mind that a lot of companies are either going all remote or adopting hybrid models. It could be time to look for a job with protocols that you’re more comfortable with. (Or maybe you’re rethinking the type of work that you do altogether, as many seem to be doing.)

How can I still have fun? 

Think about ways to find the most joy in whatever you’re doing.  For some of us, social distance meant emotional distance, so as it warms up in much of the country, this is a great time to grab your girlfriend, your boo, or your kids and get outside as much as you can. Nature walks, girl trekking, dining outdoors, spreading out on the beach, or spending time in your local park are all great warm-weather options.

Whatever you do, consider what feels right to you, give yourself grace and reemerge in our own way.  

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Guest blog post by Melissa Saenz

With spring in full gear and vaccines offering a measure of protection, many Americans are emerging from months of COVID-mandated sequestering. And it’s not a moment too soon, as so many people have complained about having “cabin fever.”

Cabin fever is defined as feelings of restless and irritability caused by being in a confined space. In the early days of the coronavirus pandemic, many high-risk states issued stay-in orders, which required people to remain at home to minimize the spread of the disease. Those orders affected me personally, making me feel restless and impatient. Other symptoms include difficulty concentrating, and feelings of inadequacy from struggles to keep up with daily or weekly schedules. Some also saw an increase of alcohol consumption, and changes in diet and eating habits. 

We all had to figure out how to adapt to this major stressor or face hopelessness and burnout. The Hans Selye General Adaptation Syndrome has three phases to explain what the body goes through when experiencing a stressor such as the pandemic: 1) Alarm Reaction: the heart rate increases, cortisol and adrenalin surges, leading to a temporary state of shock and a flight-or-fight response. 2) Resistance, in which the body copes with a stressful event and the heart rate and blood pressure begin to level off. If the stressor remains, the body adjusts, maintaining a state of high alert. 3 Exhaustion: struggling with prolonged stress can sap your physical, emotional, and mental resources, leaving you with no ability to cope and setting you up for anxiety, depression, and a weakened immune system.

There are several ways to overcome Cabin Fever. Keep these handy when cooler weather returns and if COVID is still stalking us:

Keep a routine – and stick to it. A routine adds structure to your days, supports a healthy diet, exercise, and sleep habits, and helps you stay focused on personal and work goals.  

Maintain social ties— Keeping connected to friends and loved ones help you feel less isolated and have someone to share your experiences with. 

Move your body – and get outdoors if it’s safe. As a dedicated runner, I make a point to keep going even in the cold. Movement boosts your feel-good hormones, and being out in nature creates a sense of well-being. 

Get creative— I started a hobby of making playlists featuring powerful women such as the Peruvian singer Reneta Flores (who sings in both Quechua and Spanish), Lizzo, who sings about body positivity, and Beyonce, who’s all about female empowerment. This dynamic female energy helped me get through the worst of my cabin fever, and it’s ready to support me if I need it again.

Melissa, an Advanced Clinical Intern at my practice, is a Mental Health Counseling graduate student at Hunter College in New York City. Running outdoors is one way she beats cabin fever.

Sources: 

Blackman, J. S. (2020). A psychoanalytic view of reactions to the coronavirus pandemic In china*. The American Journal of Psychoanalysis, 80(2), 119-132. doi:10.1057/s11231-020-09248-w

Brito, J. (2020, June 9). What to know about cabin fever. Retrieved February 16, 2021, from https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/cabin-fever#signs

Jurblum, M., & Ng, C. H. (2020, December). Psychological consequences of social isolation and quarantine. Retrieved March 01, 2021, from https://www1.racgp.org.au/ajgp/2020/december/psychological-consequences-of-social-isolation-and

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The last few weeks might have caused you to feel like you were on an emotional rollercoaster. A feeling that is likely compounded by the emotions of the last 18 months as we all continue to navigate life during the age of a global pandemic. From the conviction for the murder of George Floyd to the continuing harm caused to people of color in this country to “bad actors” who are working hard to limit our voting rights and our right to protest, it’s easy to feel like you're enduring 1,000 pricks at your joy. You might feel exhausted, you might feel sad or you might feel angry as hell. And you know what? It’s all okay. 

As people of color, we often don’t allow ourselves to slow down and feel the “feels.” We think we don’t have time for that right now, or we try to avoid it completely. We pick up, carry on and keep pushing forward -- just as our ancestors did. It’s part of our makeup. But it can also be a part of us that resists acknowledging the heartbreak when we learn about -- or witness via continuous media loops -- the debasement of humans who look like us. 

It’s important to be aware that this can be traumatic. The effects of the trauma may look different for each of us. You may find it hard to focus. You may not want to socialize with friends. You may snap at your little one for no reason. You may feel sick and tired. It’s important to recognize that what you’re feeling may stem from navigating this current environment where there’s so much injustice, uncertainty, fear, and loss. 

And just as you acknowledge what you’re experiencing, you can choose to be intentional about countering it. We have always had the ability to reach for joy, even in the midst of the most oppressive times. Our ancestors showed us that too. Now is the time for you to call on that again. 

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Here are some simple ways to be intentional about reclaiming your joy. 

• Reconnect. Be among your family and friends, whether virtually or safely in person. A catch-up with your sister circle cultivates a sense of community and can soothe your soul.
  

• Laugh. Find an oldie-but-goodie movie that you know is going to crack you up -- or a throw on anything featuring Tiffany Haddish. Laughter is actually good for you -- it relieves stress and releases feel-good hormones from your brain.
  

• Start a new hobby. Do something new that is completely for your enjoyment. Maybe it’s something you’ve been wanting to try for a while or something you never imagined you’d try, such as gardening or learning how to play an instrument.
  

• Add play to your day. With work, family and life -- we often get so busy we let go of the fun things that added spark to our lives. Explore those things again. Maybe it’s riding your bike, coloring, arts & crafts, or illuminating cultural games like Meet the Colonizers or Culture Tags.
  

• Talk to someone. Part of getting through this time is knowing that you’re not in this alone. Talk to a friend, a counselor, a spiritual teacher, or some other trustworthy person and share what you’re feeling. If you're looking for a therapist in your area, tap into resources such as Therapy for Black Girls or Clinicians of Color.

Being intentional about your joy doesn’t mean that you’re ignoring your feelings. But you deserve to feel good and to find what brings you happiness. Claim that. It will help get you through.

Credit: Kali9 from Getty Images Signature

New research: The emotions of 2020 transformed how we eat. If you want to release pain and pounds, a health coach has the tips you need to succeed.

It may be a new year, but we’re still feeling the effects of the 2020 shutdown. The “quarantine 15” added onto the typical holiday weight gain is having an impact on how we think about our food and how to take care of our bodies. Even a year later, our lives still feel disrupted. We are reaching for comfort food instead of healthy food. Our exercise goals have been crushed and tossed out with the trash. And why would we bother moving around if we’re just going to be in PJs all day!

Losing the weight we’ve gained can be a feat in itself, so this year, let’s change the way we think about diet and exercise with the Black Girl Joy Diet. In this article, we’re gonna take a look at what’s really feeding you. We may think of the foods we eat as the only thing that feeds us, but “primary foods,” as described by the Institute of Integrative Nutrition, are also important. Primary foods are the ingredients in your life that nourish your body, mind, and spirit.

In my latest article for the Sisters AARP newsletter, “Your 2021 Black Girl Joy Diet: Reclaim Happiness and a Healthy Weight”, I want to prioritize happiness within our healthy habits and take a closer look at what’s really feeding us. Click to read the full article here.