Despite easier access to make connections and to try to find a love match, many people have a hate-hate relationship with dating. First dates may feel awkward, building online profiles may feel tedious, managing them may feel like yet another to-do on your list, and – no matter how hard you try – you will probably mismatch somewhere along the way. If you’re recovering from a broken heart, or your heart is hardened from years of strife, you may have a hard time being vulnerable again.

But before you give up, consider a fresh perspective and take the approach of “mindful dating.” Dating mindfully means bringing awareness and curiosity to your journey and seeing it as a learning experience. Dating mindfully allows you to be intentional, engaged, and proactive rather than passive, defensive, and reactive. 

Here are some qualities you can develop or strengthen through mindful dating:

• Clarity: As you connect with different people, you can fine-tune what you like and don’t like in your ideal partner. No need to play games or string anybody along if you know you’re not interested. 
  

• Self-reflection. You can learn to spot patterns in behavior – positive and negative – and recognize patterns in potential partners as well. 
  

• Resilience: You’ll learn to move through rejection when things don’t work out – whether you decided it wasn’t a good fit or the other person did. Knowing that you can bounce back can give you the courage to try again. 
  

• Confidence: Knowing that you have options and that you’re choosing to meet new people can empower you and boost your self-esteem. I like to think of dating as akin to attending a cocktail party. You go with the intention of having fun, meeting interesting people, and being interesting yourself. You don’t expect to put too much emphasis on any one person because you are in meet-and-mingle mode. At a party, there will be some people you click with more than others. The same goes for dating. 
  

• Self-respect: Responding to people who behave badly (like “ghosting,” an unfortunate reality of today’s dating culture), gives you an opportunity to refine your boundaries and improve your ability to maintain them.
  

• Assertiveness: Ask for what you want, and make clear what you don’t want. You might feel vulnerable and worry about “losing” a potential partner if you speak up; but know that the person you’re looking for is one who appreciates your authenticity and is not intimidated by you.

Dating doesn’t have to be a dreaded to-do. You have the power to decide how you want to enter into this experience, so set your intentions. Mindful dating allows you to come to the table knowing not only what you have to offer, but also what you can learn. Whether you meet the love of your life or a really good friend, you can become a better version of yourself.