The Self-Care Solution: A Guide for Busy Women
Hobbies can enrich our spirits and allow us to grow and expand our interests beyond work.
“I can’t find time for self-care.”
“I wouldn’t know where to start…”
“I feel selfish even talking about it.”
These are some of the things we might tell ourselves or hear from others when the topic of self-care comes up. But not taking good care of ourselves can leave us feeling unmotivated and burned out.
Take vacations, for example. Too few of us take time off, even when we’ve earned it. Americans are half as likely to take vacation in any given week today than we did 40 years ago, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics. Compared with other races, Black folks were the least likely to have taken a vacation in 2018-2022.
That’s true despite the fact that many of us reconsidered the way we worked as the pandemic transformed our relationships to work. The “Great Resignation” appears to be over and many in-office workers have returned to their desks. But our habit of not taking vacations predates the pandemic and may speak to the larger phenomenon of lack of self-care.
Self-care is not a destination but a journey.
What is self-care? It’s defined by the World Health Organization as “the ability of individuals, families and communities to promote health, prevent disease, maintain health, and cope with illness and disability with or without the support of a health worker.” But I believe it’s broader than that: Self-care is what you do every day to take care of your whole self; to be physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually well. Self-care is not a destination but a journey.
This may be a foreign concept to many Black women. We’ve been told our whole lives we need to “work twice as hard to get half as far” and to be recognized for our contributions. We may also have had few role models of self-care among our immediate family members, elders and ancestors who had to toil long hours or work multiple jobs to support their families. We may not feel we have the time or resources to “indulge” in self-care. We may even think that self-care is selfish and feel guilty about centering our needs. Self-care is a practice that we have to learn and intentionally take steps to incorporate into our lives.
If you don’t take all of your paid vacation, or regularly take work home with you, that’s one sign you may be neglecting self-care. But work is only one measure. Feeling overly stressed even when you are away from work could be another. Being in poor mental or physical health could also be a signal that you need to shift the balance of giving your time and energy to others and give more to yourself.
Take a moment to check in with yourself with a self-care assessment tool [https://socialwork.buffalo.edu/content/dam/socialwork/home/self-care-kit/self-care-assessment.pdf]. Follow the instructions to explore how often and how well you are taking care of yourself. Then spend some time reviewing your responses and take note of any patterns. Consider the results and reflect on your assessment in a journal. Answer these questions:
What surprises me most about my results is _______________?
What area of self-care needs the most attention, and why?
What action would I like to take to improve my self-care starting now?
For more ways to improve your self-care, here are seven ways to practice it.
7 Steps to Better Self-Care
Set and enforce boundaries. You can set boundaries at work by closing your office door when you need privacy, asking colleagues to schedule appointments to meet with you rather than dropping by, and by not checking email after work hours. With family or friends, you can simply not answer the phone readily or take your time responding to a text. You can even block people who are unhealthy for you.
Just say no. No, period, is the clearest boundary of all. If you really don’t have time for that new work committee or don’t want to attend an event, don’t hesitate to say no. We all have limits and need to protect our time and sanity in order to say yes to the things we really want and have the time and energy to do.
Sleep tight. But sleep is really essential to our well-being, but about a third of us don’t get the recommended seven hours of sleep at night. Without it, we can feel drowsy during the day, have mood swings, become forgetful and have a hard time focusing on tasks. To get better sleep, maintain a consistent sleep schedule: develop a bedtime routine that excludes electronic devices and includes some time with a good book or journaling, and make your bedroom a sanctuary that is quiet and cozy.
Plan – and take – time off. In addition to summer or holiday vacations, be sure to take personal days and long weekends throughout the year. You earn your paid time off—use it! Time off allows you to relax and recharge. If your budget doesn’t cover travel right now, consider staycations that include day trips to local parks, botanical gardens or other recreational areas.
Be physically active. Take short walks during the day if you don’t have time for a longer routine. Or invite a family member or friend to engage in an activity together – a class, regular hikes, or a new sport like pickleball. Exercise is essential to your health and can boost your mood.
Connect with others. Getting together with friends or neighbors can reduce isolation and deepen bonds between you and others. Make a date with a girlfriend for brunch or a walk-and-talk, or to visit a museum or see a play. Read my recent piece on connecting for more ideas of ways to beat loneliness.
Indulge in a hobby or two. Remember the things you enjoyed doing as a child? Things that made you forget what time it was and completely absorbed your attention? Find a way to generate that wonder and excitement – perhaps by taking a cooking or art class, doing jigsaw or crossword puzzles, or starting a garden or scrapbook. Hobbies can enrich our spirits and allow us to grow and expand our interests beyond work.
Cultivate your spirituality. Whether you go to church, meditate or read inspirational books, give yourself the time and space to regularly engage in a spiritual practice. Research suggests that spirituality is linked to less depression and greater longevity.